Pity, party of one? Your table is now available

OK, so I haven't written in forever. I'm sticking with the fact that no one reads this thing to think that's OK. To be honest, I started this thing as a release for me. I know it seems silly to do that instead of, like, journal or something. But if I'm being honest with myself, I'm too much of an attention seeker to journal in a private book that no one will ever see and too unsure of myself to really promote this thing and risk people forming an opinion of me that i can't control. So here you have it. My most inner thoughts and feelings on the world wide web with no one reading them. Its exhilarating, really.

So, things are crazy right now.

Backstory: Terrance's company is expanding into the midwest. He's taking a job in Columbus, OH. I've never been to Columbus, which doesn't really bother me. I hadn't ever been to Indy before I moved there and that worked out. We've been dealing with this as an issue for a while, he turned one offer down, because the money wasn't right. THey sat him down this time and gave him everything he was asking for, so it probably wouldn't have been a good career move to turn them down.

Here's the thing, while Terrance is off living in the Holiday Inn Express Centreville, OH, I am still here. I have to figure out how to sell this house, which we've affectionately changed the name of from 'The Bungalow of Joy' to 'The Money Pit'. We currently owe $105, 435 on this palace and need to put about $10K for it to sell unless we want to sell it for $85K. Which is better? To put money into it hoping you'll get it back or just cut your losses and get the fuck out? I don't know. You see, as much as I pretend, I never really took to that whole 'being an adult' thing. I desperately want someone to come and do all of this stuff for me. There isn't a day that goes by that if you came to me at work and asked if I'd prefer to be playing in one of those ball pits at McDonalds than working that I wouldn't say yes. And I like my job. I really do, I just like being an adult less.

I also have to find a job in Ohio, which lucky for me is even more conservative than NC! Super happy I chose public health as my calling right now. I recently did a careerbuilder search for "health education" in a 50 mile radius of Columbus, OH. There were 6 whole results, 4 of which were nursing positions, 1 of which required 10 year of management experience and one which the minimum qualifications were a high school diploma or GED. This is going to be a fun job hunt.

Add the housing and job issue to the fact that I'm in the home stretch of the semester and I'm about to lose it. I want to quit it all.

Here's the thing. I SHUT DOWN when I get stressed. I don't want to deal with anything, let alone everything. If Terrance were here, I would at least feel the urge to fake it because I have to look responsible when someone is watching, but since he's not I've chosen to spend my Saturday stalking people on facebook and blogging a blog that no one reads. I also got into a lengthy staring contest with the cat, which I won because he was ready to be petted.

Honestly, I know that my life is not bad. I understand that there are people, both near and far, that have it worse than me. I could be hungry or homeless. Terrance could be in Afghanistan or Iraq instead of in boringly safe Dayton, OH. I could have Cancer. My friends could have cancer. I could have no friends. I could lose my job. Things could be worse. I know that. But I also know that I'm throwing myself the largest pity party I can right now and you know what, I'm enjoying the hell out of it, in a begrudging, complainy way.